tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post7058674869743144384..comments2023-10-23T23:35:22.776+02:00Comments on Cross Words: Flowery DescriptionTed Crosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-49339973683120576882011-05-12T00:36:09.247+02:002011-05-12T00:36:09.247+02:00I don't think there's anything wrong with ...I don't think there's anything wrong with it. In fact, I liked that I got a sense of how the character was feeling about the surroundings, which is one of those things I'm always harping on about, descriptions that do more than just tell the reader what a place/person/thing looks like.Margo Lerwillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773653995392669855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-70486618659015059902011-05-11T19:59:28.706+02:002011-05-11T19:59:28.706+02:00It sounds lovely. I'm a visual person, and I ...It sounds lovely. I'm a visual person, and I can picture this scene perfectly. You should just go with what feels natural for you.Laila Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430076999393883312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-82658390584952787602011-05-11T17:06:47.166+02:002011-05-11T17:06:47.166+02:00It's amazing how each person's taste diffe...It's amazing how each person's taste differs. I can look at it with each suggestion and see the reason behind it, and it just confuses me more! Which way is best? Too bad the text can't change to fit the taste of whichever reader is reading it!Ted Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-60085658689114895092011-05-11T16:34:30.722+02:002011-05-11T16:34:30.722+02:00looks good to me. I think taking the like out mak...looks good to me. I think taking the like out makes it flow a bit better, but both work.Buddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17142269413009487783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-31797000486478488242011-05-11T15:55:04.238+02:002011-05-11T15:55:04.238+02:00I liked both versions, really. *I* would probably ...I liked both versions, really. *I* would probably cut "Billions of fluffy" because I don't think you need it. But you also probably don't need my opinion on it. :)Luanne G. Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15762881276976395955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-60410222077087708292011-05-11T15:47:38.560+02:002011-05-11T15:47:38.560+02:00I love it! This part: "like a reminder that w...I love it! This part: "like a reminder that winter would come again before too long" is particularly invocative. That creates such a great mood.Sarah McCabehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10985261436020635823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-74426698287901469672011-05-11T14:27:23.485+02:002011-05-11T14:27:23.485+02:00I like it! And don't worry, I'll never be ...I like it! And don't worry, I'll never be a descriptive writer either.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-2502061526216179372011-05-11T13:39:55.865+02:002011-05-11T13:39:55.865+02:00Thanks, Damyanit, and I wish the same to you!Thanks, Damyanit, and I wish the same to you!Ted Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-10546565844711069062011-05-11T13:36:45.707+02:002011-05-11T13:36:45.707+02:00Ted, I know what you mean.
I never did incomplet...Ted, I know what you mean.<br /><br /> I never did incomplete sentences much, but now I do, sometimes, when the situation calls for it. <br /><br />I find short, staccato, incomplete sentences do a great job of premonition and ratcheting up the tension, and that actives work better than passives in most cases :)<br /><br />But each of us has a different style, which is what makes us so unique!<br /><br />All the best with your writing :DAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04283371140346602856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-36142686456821739442011-05-11T13:10:47.315+02:002011-05-11T13:10:47.315+02:00Yes, I think I like it better that way, too, Anne....Yes, I think I like it better that way, too, Anne.Ted Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-84021223636120405712011-05-11T12:50:12.296+02:002011-05-11T12:50:12.296+02:00I like the new version, I like Damyanti's sugg...I like the new version, I like Damyanti's suggestions, cut 'like' and 'there was'. Sounds good Ted.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-49627154407358315072011-05-11T10:39:21.300+02:002011-05-11T10:39:21.300+02:00It's funny, Damyanti, but that second change y...It's funny, Damyanti, but that second change you suggest was one I actually typed in (or rather, I deleted the 'There was' just as you did), but I have trouble getting used to using incomplete sentences, even though I know many authors do!Ted Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-84269588247675622612011-05-11T10:21:51.755+02:002011-05-11T10:21:51.755+02:00Um, I don't see anything awkward about these p...Um, I don't see anything awkward about these paras...I can picture the flurries very well indeed.<br /><br />If it were me, I'd leave most of it alone, other than some (very) minor changes, none of them related to the description, but more to make the sentences more active and direct:<br /><br />Billions of fluffy poplar seeds floated on the summer breeze, as they did each summer in Moscow, a reminder that winter would come again before too long. Zoya loved strolling through the flurries, watching the white drifts pile up along the curbs and in the gutters, her thrill dampened only by having to visit this abandoned part of the city.<br /><br />She stepped carefully over broken sections of concrete. Trash and glass littered the yellowed grass and weeds that lined the sidewalk. A sound from the building to her right brought her to a halt. A crash of metal followed by a yelp. A wild dog, perhaps a pack. Why did I let Georgy talk me into this?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04283371140346602856noreply@blogger.com