tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post4027241622500532439..comments2023-10-23T23:35:22.776+02:00Comments on Cross Words: Query Letter - first attemptTed Crosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-81044761034938639052010-05-18T15:38:50.739+02:002010-05-18T15:38:50.739+02:00Thanks Kevin. Sure, I can take the names out. Ther...Thanks Kevin. Sure, I can take the names out. There was an earlier version where I went into the later death of Alekas, so naming them was more important.<br /><br />The dragon men (called wyrmen in my book) are quite mysterious - a race never before seen. From my perspective they are not truly a focal point of the story, but just an incidental happening that is causing the various characters to do what they are doing. I've really struggled with this, because I can imagine agents saying that I am not fleshing them out enough, yet that was never my intention. The fact that they turn out to be drones, like worker bees, means that it is actually quite hard to give them much personality beyond their simplistic motives.Ted Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-8657136619793339892010-05-18T15:25:58.335+02:002010-05-18T15:25:58.335+02:00Hey Ted, looks good. Maybe the last sentence of yo...Hey Ted, looks good. Maybe the last sentence of your first paragraph could be revised to leave out the names of the sons? You don't truly need that phrase set off with dashes; it interrupts the flow and the sentence is about Midas's conflict, not about whether one son is peaceful and the other is competitive.<br /><br />Are the dragon men bipeds? Do they fly? Breathe fire? What do the dragon men want? That's what I was interested in knowing more about. Hope that helps.Kevin Hearnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05581468513894809317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-79024955736704375492010-05-18T06:02:27.837+02:002010-05-18T06:02:27.837+02:00I'll check out that site. I guess what bothers...I'll check out that site. I guess what bothers me about it is that I've heard we are supposed to allow our writing voice to come through in these, yet I don't feel that is the case. I have to squeeze so much in and leave so much out that I have these compound sentences that I would normally never make.Ted Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-12922322074182960312010-05-18T02:19:04.696+02:002010-05-18T02:19:04.696+02:00Wow, great query! I love the premise. You've d...Wow, great query! I love the premise. You've done a great job giving us a taste. I already feel connected to Midas. Best of luck!Portiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13435815819572442582noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-81284062414274045422010-05-18T00:51:50.101+02:002010-05-18T00:51:50.101+02:00I would take any advice offered by the lovely, Ann...I would take any advice offered by the lovely, Anne (Piedmont Writer). She knows what she's talking about.<br /><br />I won't comment on your query Ted, as you and I are in exactly the same boat. And I don't feel I have the right (or the experience) to voice my opinion one way or the other, except to say it was very well written. Your story sounds fascinating.<br /><br />I wish you luck. Keep us posted :)Just Wendy https://www.blogger.com/profile/05268645629027109282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2319453613836766610.post-45762279453384773402010-05-17T20:51:26.880+02:002010-05-17T20:51:26.880+02:00Well, I don't read epic fantasy, but I thought...Well, I don't read epic fantasy, but I thought this query was pretty good. Hook, conflict, motivation, goal were all covered.<br /><br />I don't think you need to have their ages. And I don't think you need to add any more characters. What you have is strong and tells the major story.<br /><br />I like the ending sentence. Pretty much sums everything up.<br /><br />Rick Daley has a query forum that I like --<br />http://openquery.blogspot.com. Take a look and see what you think. I think it's easier to use than other forums I've seen. Query Shark is great but I've been waiting for her to do my query since last October.<br /><br />Good luck with this Ted, it sounds really intriguing.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.com