Monday, September 27, 2010

Steel Enema

Some people on Authonomy last week got a kick out of this excerpt from my fantasy novel The Shard, so I figured why not post it here. To set the scene, my MC Midas and his sons got themselves trapped inside a mountain along with a small group that was going after a dragon. Since Midas's primary goal was keeping his sons safe, he wasn't at all happy about this. After much exertion, the group manages to pass through the mountain and get within sight of the exit only to encounter an overwhelming number of goblins along with three trolls. The situation seems hopeless...

BTW, since the excerpt mentions the 'Kaldarion Sword', I had better let you know that this was found in the dragon hoard and was a dwarf-made weapon presented to the first great king of the Known Lands, Aronis Kaldarion, two thousand years earlier. It was lost when the dragon destroyed the capital city eight centuries ago.
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The first goblins smashed into the line and were cut down. Years of training snapped Midas out of his panic. He bulled forward into three goblins, bowling them over with his shield. He kicked at them while they flailed on the ground, and plunged his sword into the belly of the nearest. He thought for one last second about yelling to his sons to move to the rear, but then he was forced to turn all his attention to mere survival as new waves of goblins enveloped the group. The hall was too large to allow the party to maintain a shield wall, so the goblins easily swarmed around the flanks.


This is it! We’re dead! These words passed repeatedly through Midas’s head as he thrust and punched and kicked at howling figures that came at him from all sides. He swept his shield around in an arc, clearing a small space to his left. Then much of the torchlight dimmed as a massive figure loomed over him, sweeping a huge mace back over its head.

He couldn’t think. He knew he was about to die. The only bit of open ground he saw was the space beneath the troll’s legs, so with the logic of pure desperation he jumped forward and ducked under the massive pot belly. The troll’s ring mail skirt scraped against his helm, and with a surge of strength born of fear Midas plunged the Kaldarion Sword upward through the troll’s buttocks. Blood drenched his sword arm. He was shocked at how easily the blade penetrated all the way to the hilt.

18 comments:

  1. It wouldn't be so gross if you hadn't titled the post that way. LMAO.

    Good piece Ted. I'm looking forward to getting that far into the story.

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  2. Oh my, that title is hilarious. Gross, yes, but oh so funny.

    Also, that's a great excerpt. What's not to like in a good battle scene?

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  3. OH MAN!! yucky!! but so funny! dude!
    i don't know what to say...

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  4. Your blog title caused me to laugh out loud--literally, not what we USUALLY mean with LOL. It's a good scene--tense and well paced, and I like just the small 'ew factor' that brings a smidge of humor to it.

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  5. Yowza! I always wonder what those guys are thinking at times like this, this seems very authentic. And that would certainly be a good way to disembowel a troll. A bit messy, but you might make anal impalement all the rage in offensive sword fighting.

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  6. Thanks, everyone! It's funny how I didn't plan it like this at all. I was simply writing along and imagined a huge troll looming in front of me with my sons behind me so I couldn't run. What would I do? It felt like the only place I could possibly go would be under its legs!

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  7. You know I had forgotten the post title by the time that I got to the end. excellent work.

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  8. Up the troll's butt - now that's quite a visual!
    One day I will get to read all of this book.

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  9. Isn't that how Edward II was killed? Bummer for the king & the troll.

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  10. Good stuff. Love the title. I think of the scene at the end of Southern Comfort where Booth Powers does something similar with a large knife. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

    Stephen Tremp

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  11. Yeah; early morning battle. Love it.

    You're so good at combat scenes Ted. Such a pleasure to read well written gore scenes. You're novel sounds so intriguing.

    Thanks for sharing this excerpt. I very much enjoyed it.

    .........dhole

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  12. Thanks for the visual, Ted! This is really good writing by the way - good pacing.

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  13. A great reason not to wear a SKIRT into battle. Really enjoyed it...honestly, until that last image. A bit too much for me.

    Michele
    SouthernCityMysteriesse

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  14. Thanks, everyone. Sorry I've been away. My flight back from the U.S. began on Wednesday morning and ended Thursday evening in Baku!

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  15. Hi Ted. I just came across your blog...what an intro! Loved the visual, well, love might not be quite the right word.

    Unable to look away? Yeah, I think that's it. Mind if I link to your blog?

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  16. Hi bb, I love seeing new people here! Sorry I haven't been posting much recently.

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  17. I love the style and voice. It is clear, easy to read, and wraps you up in the action right away. Midas is a fantastic name, very expressive. I'm wondering what goblins and trolls look like to you though. Maybe you already describe them somewhere else? I'd like a few details woven in--color, skin texture, fur, smell.
    Overall, really great excerpt!

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  18. Yeah, you had me at the blog title too. And great snippet!

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