How to do the Conan Movies Better

Has anyone noticed that the movies never get sword & sorcery right? Name one great sword & sorcery movie? I don't mean one that you enjoyed, but one that is actually really, really good. I mean, fantasy movies in general were mostly pretty pathetic until Peter Jackson came along and showed that a fantasy movie could be done well. Game of Thrones has continued this new trend, and I assume The Hobbit movies will, too.

The first big budget sword & sorcery movies that I can think of are the Conan movies. I didn't hate the original Conan movie, but it wasn't very good either. It may have had a decent budget, but it felt low budget. The director didn't bother with trying to make the world seem realistic; it felt a bit cheesy instead. And don't get me started on the miserable second try.

I was thinking about how I would do such movies if I were in charge, and I really think my way would work far better. The movies tried to tell too much and be too big. Conan stories always worked best in more intimate episodes. Don't give us his childhood and how he developed (you can save that for later movies). Focus on telling simple stories.

I would take stories in logical chunks, such as a couple from his early days in Zamora, Tower of the Elephant and Rogues in the House for example, and blend them into one great movie. Make a second movie of, say, Red Nails. Be true to the actual stories and get actors who can portray the stories faithfully, the way Peter Jackson lent gravitas to Lord of the Rings (only don't do world shattering the way LOTR did; keep it intimate!). Make it gritty and grim and dark, the way Conan was always meant to be. Find great unknown actors rather than use famous ones like Ahnold.

Once you've captured the audience by doing a couple of well-done movies following this pattern, then continue it. You can take a couple short stories or arcs from different areas of the world and make great movies from them. Shadizar the wicked. The Turanian war. Belit. Eventually after a long James Bond-like run of great movies you can finally get to where Conan becomes king.

Heck, I'd be even more happy if someone would do a realistic job with Fritz Leiber's sword & sorcery heroes Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser. Ill Met in Lankhmar would be a great starting movie for this pair!